Tuesday March 31, 2009
The secret language of IKEA
If ever there was a copywriting job I would love to do, it would have to be the person who dreams up all the silly names of the products in IKEA.
I’ve spent nearly a dozen weekends of the past six months in IKEA Nicosia – and even though I don’t speak a word of any Scandinavian language, I have been, by turns, amused and hooked by the power of these miniature brands.
Here are my favourites:
1. FYRKLÖVER. Cushions. For doing what on with your lover? I shudder to think.
2. KARDEMUMMA. A plant pot. Clearly a riff on “cardamom”, but also a relaxing image of your mamma in a cardie, perhaps in her greenhouse.
3. LACK. The ultra-basic range. If you lack money, buy this.
4. PJATTERYD. A photo of an olive branch. (Tasteful, but weird when you’re in Cyprus and can take a photo of an olive branch any time you like.) The name suggests “pattern” but is also faintly onomatopoeic, suggesting the spattering of paint on canvas. Sort of.
5. TROLLSTA. A side-table. Under which a troll might live?
6. BEDDINGE. Bedding. Sometimes simple is best.
7. TOBIAS, SEBASTIAN, GILBERT , BENJAMIN , MARTIN, HERMAN and LINUS. All chairs. On which Tobias, Sebastian, Gilbert, Benjamin, Martin, Herman and Linus would sit and watch Sweden grind out a 0-0 draw.
8. BLOMSTER. An artificial flower, with matching pink vase.
9. JOKKMOKK. A wooden table and four wooden chairs. No idea why it is called this, but it sounds a bit like Muttley laughing. Which is the noise I made when I realised how cheap it was. €89? How do they do that?
10. PATRULL. A hob guard. Patrols your hob against the threat of a scalded child.
11. SULTAN. A range of mattresses, on which you can recline like a Sultan. Or sink like a Sultana. Or eat sultanas. Or do anything comfortable and flat.
Like all the best marketing, these mini-brands work even when you notice them working. Only last weekend my girlfriend and I bought a chest of drawers from IKEA. But did we ever refer to it as “chest of drawers”? Never. As far as we were concerned we bought, and built, a “Malm”.
Malm is derived, like many IKEA furniture lines, from a Swedish place – in this case Malmö. And it works – by evoking a sense of minimalist, essentially Scandinavian style.
We’ve got a Karlstad sofa too. Who knows – one day, we might even go there.
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All content © Chris Alden. Original design by Andy Brockie, adapted by Chris Alden over the years.